My Kids Don’t Want Phones, and I Could Not Be Happier!
Credit Julia Coimbra
Attention spans are decreasing and so is student engagement. While phones are not solely to blame, having a constant entertainment device with you at all times sure does not help. Add in reduced sleep and increased social and mental health issues tightly tied with social media and its 24 hour access, we have a recipe for struggling youth.
I will never forget…
Traveling in 2010 to Alaska for my brother’s wedding. My first child was just born a couple of weeks ago and I was flying from Anchorage to Seattle. On the plane next to me was a mom and her 7 year old daughter. Her child was doing a fair amount of whining, which is normal when traveling at such an early hour. However, what caught me by surprise was how she was glued to her own phone.
Phones in 2010 are not nearly as sophisticated as they are now, but they still had plenty of games to be played. Her mother asked if I had kids and I said yes, he’s just a few weeks old. She asked at what age I would buy him his own phone, I said never. She was shocked and told me that there was no way I could resist buying him a phone when he wanted it. Challenge accepted!
Living in Korea these past three years…
Has been an amazing experience! The culture, food, safety, and respect for others are all things that every could should look up to. It is also incredibly technologically advanced. Samsung, LG, Kia, and Hyundai are all Korean companies and they are innovating faster than most competitors. Everyone has their own incredibly fast phone with internet to match. Whether you are 5 or 85, you have a phone.
We resisted the urge to get our kids a phone because we saw the toll it took on our students at the school. The addiction is real and kids would become very anxious if their phones were not with them, even though that was not allowed. I remember a colleague making a comment about a kid who got off at the wrong stop on the school bus and how annoyed she was as he was “the only kid at our school without a phone.” While not true, he was just 11 years old.
We have talked to our kids…
About phone usage and their perils of constant entertainment. We notice how grumpy they become if they wake up at 5am (yes, really) and start watching TV. They understand the biological impact that being distracted all of the time has, each in their own way. They see their friends losing interest in playing with their peers while they watch the next video and they don’t want to be like that.
When we moved to the US, we did buy a cheap family cell phone. This is something that stays in the house and the kids can use to contact us if we are out. The US is not nearly as safe as Korea, not even close, but our community is incredibly safe. But, we also saw this as an opportunity to help train our kids on technology boundaries.
No, we are not luddites…
And we have tons of technology in our house, more than most families. Helping our kids to see technology as a tool rather than a way of life has been a process and one that takes time. There is nothing wrong with watching a show, reading an article, or playing a game. We all love it, me too! And this makes modeling the right behaviors for my kids so important. Although I have failed plenty, I do have a biological clock that lets me know that I have had too much screen time, especially around the kids. Which is tough considering that I am running my business from home and from a computer.
My kids have been given the option…
And they have decided it is best to not have a phone. We applaud this thought process and the consideration that they have given it. Instead, we spend quality time together reading aloud, hiking, biking, kayaking, camping, playing board games, having discussions, cooking, going out to eat, and traveling. While we are far from perfect parents and mess up all of the time, I am quite proud that we are equipping our kids to see people and their own desires in a new light.
Coaching our own children is probably the most important thing that we can do as adults. As you coach your children and students, I hope post gives you some food for thought. We are certainly on our own family journey, but it is one that we are intentionally doing together, and hopefully with limited distractions.